


The Part That Died

by opalescentheart



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 14:32:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9661514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalescentheart/pseuds/opalescentheart
Summary: Just a little something I wrote because I enjoy making myself and everyone else suffer. Takes place some months after 3x14.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Oswald is reliving the events at the docks, so there’ll be mentions of the gunshot, blood and his almost death as well as a huge portion of angst overall.

There used to be a time where having Ed’s arms wrapped around his waist would’ve made him feel safe.

Oswald tries to go back to that time in his mind. Tries to replace his actual feelings with those from the past.

He fails.

Behind him, Ed makes a soft little grunt in his sleep and Oswald can feel the warm breath from his nose ghosting over his skin.

It’s all he ever wanted. Sharing his bed - and life - with the man he loves.

And yet, his chest is tight, uncomfortably so. As Oswald tries to hold his breath before releasing it slowly, images begin to flash in front of his eyes again.

_He still remembers the misty rain drops on Ed’s glasses._

_“I loved her, Oswald. And you killed her.”_

His heart skips a beat at the memory, stomach churning painfully and he can’t - he has to -

Ed groans as Oswald’s fingernails press into his skin, pushing, shoving -

“Oswald, what-” Ed mumbles, finally waking up as Oswald preens himself out of the embrace only to curl up and press his face into the mattress.

_He remembers the ringing in his ears. The thumping of his heart inside his chest. And the warm blood gushing out of him._

Ed’s hands are all over him, rubbing soothing circles over Oswald’s back where his pajamas are clinging to his sweat-damp skin.

_He also remembers sinking down, with water filling up his lungs, salt burning in his eyes as the man he loves turns into nothing more than a blurry figure._

“Oswald, _please_. Calm down.”

_He remembers almost dying._

Oswald’s chest hurts. And it’s only now that he realizes how hard he’s crying, his choked out sobs muffled by the pillow.

“Oswald, _please_ \- look at me.”

No. No. Oswald doesn’t want to look at him. He claws at his head, digging his fingernails into his skin. It hurts. All of it hurts. He _can’t._

“ _Os_ …,” Ed’s voice breaks as he continues to plead.

And then it breaks out of Oswald, like hot water boiling over.

“Leave!” Oswald screams out, voice shrill and raw with emotion.

There’s silence for a moment. Just the two of them breathing heavily.

“Go!” Oswald chokes out along with a sob. “Just go.”

“Let me help,” Ed whispers.

Oswald can feel a hand on the back of his head. But he just squeezes his eyes shut and puts his hands over his ears. Shutting everything out. Shutting Ed out.

Eventually, the hand is withdrawn and the mattress dips.

Oswald can finally breathe again.

**

After a couple of days, Ed shows up again. He always does after it happens. Neither of them talk about it. Ever.

As long as Oswald can suppress the memories, he can almost pretend things are like they used to be. He’s even almost sure he can love Ed again someday.

They need each other. Even though Oswald wishes he wouldn’t. And a part of him wishes he would’ve actually died that day at the docks.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Jen for beta-reading! <3


End file.
